On another note, the concept of keeping in touch stayed with me past that conversation. After processing my vulnerability, I found myself inspired to share the above story. I wanted others to see how a little courage goes a long way. Although I frequently see this friend, I hope his desire to keep in touch means more realness. As scared as I am for this, it will only help us and our friendship grow.
I’m a bit of social chameleon. I learned this skill as an introvert’s survival tactic. It’s recently been useful in hostile work environs, too. Blending in with scenery seems ideal when the notion of mere conversation stresses you out. Self-camouflage makes you appear less threatening to those individuals fearful of your strong will and stronger opinions. Ideally, you’re only blending in for a paycheck or working towards a temporary goal. If you find yourself blending in out of fear of standing out, that’s another problem entirely.
Here’s some unsolicited advice: Find your values or principles and tune your ears to those things alone. Reject those things which do not match your current frequency. Don’t be afraid to tune out when something sounds entirely antithetical to your desired wavelength. Bear in mind, I’m assuming you that you’re tuned to the real Truth, the voice of God. The wisdom He produces can feel like noise amidst the discordant noises of the world. He’s much easier to tune out than listen to for His sounds are but whispers in your heart.
I speak of strength for I am a willful woman. Too often have I attempted to force fate’s hand. I was selfish and afraid, so I forced change. This began a series of forced changes; some in the ending of relationships or in trying to initiate them. I’ve learned since that turning the wrong way down a one-way street puts you in a world of hurt. At best, you’re in for an awkward turn around. At worst, you get wrecked.
I’m still kind of figuring that out, honestly. I only even shared the story above because of what I read in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Manson does a great job of beginning with the end in mind with his three subtleties implemented throughout the book. I’m not yet done manifesting my soul power (i.e. dignity), but I’ll let you know when I get there. Until then, I’m going to focus on what I can, like the little leaps and bounds of small wins.