This was something I’d said I’d get to months ago, and now I finally am. There’s been a lot of growing going on in my life, but I had to kind of burn down some things and start over. I realized that there was a lot of spiritual debris I needed to send up in smoke signals so God would know I needed some help. Sure, I could’ve just asked for it, but that would be the easy thing, right? Metaphorical smoke signals aside, I’d rather talk in code than directly address the issues I had with myself. Looking back, I see the unused kindling and the ashes of things I managed to burn. These ashes fueled a minor “phoenix” moment in which I discovered a need to reconnect with myself.
Funnily enough, a lot of this recognition started during Lent with a book called Until Today by Iyanla Vanzant. Each month of this devotional centers on a different aspect of spiritual growth; I began in March with awareness. This was all way too perfectly timed to not be divine design, as I’ve come to realize since then. At that point, I was no longer aware of several things wrong in my life. A few of these things are:
- I was doing way too much.
- I was giving less effort in every aspect of my life (work, school, friendship, dating, family)
- I was not listening to God’s will.
- I was not making the needed time for God.
- I was stuck in a holding pattern and stagnating fast.
All of these are things I can see with blinding clarity, now. But that’s hindsight and heavenly light for ya; they really brighten up any existential dark spots. I won’t be cataloging every spark of growth or speck of my ashy past here today, but I’m sure it will come forth in future posts. Nor will all of my posts be so ‘fiery’ in language. I really wanted to get this out today so my friends, family, and fellow online human beings get a sense of where I’m taking my life. Maybe one day, this will be the stuff of some best-selling author. But we’ve all gotta start from the bottom of the ashy heap before our dreams rise in wispy, spiritual smoke signals.